Fiction/faction

Novak Djokovic, the GOAT. Really?

 

Wimbledon was a fascinating tournament this year, except that it all went out with a bit of a whimper. Matteo Berrettini, the 25-year-old Italian heart-throb, won the initial set at his first Wimbledon Singles Final appearance, polishing off the tie-break with a thunderous serve down the tee. Initially, his opponent seemed a touch nervous. But anyone who thought he was in for a chance at winning the title against Novak Djokovic was dreaming. Novak got his act together and more or less breezed through to the finish line, winning in four sets by 6-7, 6-4, 6-4, 6-3.

Get the Serb on an off-day over the best-of-three sets in a lesser tournament and you might just stand a chance. Dan Evans managed it in Monte Carlo, an event more about the country club’s spectacular scenery and glamorous reputation, where the tennis appears to be somewhat secondary,

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Crying Wolf

Hunched over, barely visible in the dark room, standard lamp flickering in the opposite corner. She was wearing that saggy old stained dress which she virtually lived in.

‘I’m dying, I’m dying’ she declared breathily, eyes theatrically wide in what I assumed to be feigned terror. It was comical.

’What’s wrong with you?’ I asked flatly. We’d been there so often.

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 A Night to Remember

We played that game, two truths and a lie. We were drunk of course. Red wine rings on what had been a spotless white linen tablecloth, ash strewn where ashtrays had been missed. Someone had stabbed their fag into the butter. Lesley’s eyes flashed. No-one admitted to it. Not so funny now was it.

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A Chance Encounter

‘Robert?’

‘Yes, do I know you?’

He looked puzzled, embarrassed.

‘Err, hang on..’

But why would he after so long? We were both drunk, it was a one-off, and it was dark in that cramped car.

‘It’s Kate.’

He still didn’t register.

‘Don’t worry, it’s been a long time. I take it these boys are yours? They look just like you, that pudding bowl haircut you used to have.’

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The Dominatrix

(I have interviewed the Mistress, Her House Slave, Her P.A., a Freudian Psychoanalyst and a sex therapist for a comprehensive article on this subject.)

(the word Mistress and related pronouns are traditionally in capital letters)

A friend told me one day – ‘I have a really interesting opportunity. If I tell you, promise not to laugh.’ I duly promised. ‘I’m going to be helping a Dominatrix. It’s mostly personal assistant work, answering the phone, taking bookings, optimising the website etc. It’s also a really great writing opportunity.’ Read More

The Perfect Daal

“This is a recipe from the tribal territories,” he booms in his usual stentorian fashion. I suppose it’s because he was a Major in the army in Pakistan.

“You Brits never use enough spice” he carries on, tipping a waterfall of ground coriander into the bubbling tomatoes. No wonder those Asian supermarkets sell spices in such huge quantities. Read More

Male to male romance

(full piece available on request)

I recently met a woman at a meet-up group who makes her living out of writing male-to-male erotic romance. What is even stranger about this is the fact that some 70% of readers are women.

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Great Scot!

So Judy Murray, Andy’s mother, is through again on Strictly Come Dancing.  It does seem odd that she is considered to be a celebrity because she is the mother of a celebrity. Even odder, It has actually been suggested she won’t get the votes because her son encouraged people to vote ‘yes’ in Scotland’s campaign for independence.

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Restos. du Coeur

It seems ludicrous to penalise people who fish perfectly edible food out of the likes of Iceland’s bins.  Surely the main problem is that the supermarkets have so much waste in the first place.   Read More

London Cycling

There’s been so much press recently about the dangers of London cycling. Many years ago,  in my twenties, I cycled everywhere in London. I covered about a hundred miles a week.  I must have been very fit but I’m just amazed I never had an accident.

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CRISIS AT CHRISTMAS

I thought I’d do something different last Christmas – the idea of slobbing around and eating too much, watching The Snowman and the Queen’s Speech yet again, didn’t appeal. Read More

‘SPOTY’ 2013

SPOTY 2013

BartoliWell done Murray for winning The Sports Personality of the Year Award, in spite of ‘having no personality’.

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